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Daytime Talk

12/28/2007

I have figured out 10, or so, of the most common requirements of a daytime talk show.

1. Be already famous. Name recognition means a lot, so be sure people already know you.

2. The necessities, a crew, a studio, etc., are, of course, needed. Be sure people invest in your show.

3. Have a premise. Will you be soft or tough on your guests?

4. Have a diverse theme, as much as you can handle, but nearly all of them should be about relationships, others should play on fear, and the rest should be human interest stories, especially about acts of heroism.

5. Most of your audience will be women, so too should your guests. Choose women guests with common life problems.

6. Exaggerate your guests problems or let them do it for you, then over simplify them. It makes you look rational.

7. Give a fortune cookie appropriate answer. This item and the previous item let’s the often easily manipulated audience know how smart you are.

8. Make sure your guests are either not smart or are not secure in themselves. That minimizes the risk that someone will catch onto you not being as qualified as your celebrity makes your dense followers assume you to be. Your guests will be intimidated by your alpha personality and their need for easy and fast answers to their problems.

9. Product placement. The best way to heal pain is a makeover, and all guests need new clothes, facials, etc. Item 9 is brought to you by Anya’s Spa.

10. While being a bit stern, praise your guest constantly. Guest are creatures who need constant positive feedback.

There you have it. You now know how the shows work.

Host (Jane Marshall): My guest today is Melinda. Welcome, Melinda.

Melinda: Thank you, Jane.

Host: So your mother tells me you have trouble with committing to men. Melinda’s mom, why is that?

M’s mom: Well, Jane, it’s because my baby keeps going for the bad boys that only want what they can get out of her. None of them are serious.

Host: Is that true, Melinda?

Mel: Yeah, Jane. But meeting good men is hard.

Host: Melinda, I understand, but this is not a good way to date. You’re special and beautiful. Men should worship you.

M’s mom: That’s what I tell her everyday.

Mel: Thank you, Jane.

So it ends with Melinda getting a make over; going on test dates with host chosen men; getting a prize, and all her problems are resolved. And the glass slipper fits, too.

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